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Unexpected gift

Michael surprised me with an early birthday gift... 26 days before my bday! It's a new monitor for my computer, Samsung 24" curve. I got it on Wednesday, I love it! 

He wanted to give me a laptop but of course everything in my country is at least 35% more expensive than in U.S. so he could not afford it now. I don't mind, right now for me the monitor is more helpful than a laptop because I was using a LG 19" which is very small for designing. 

He's being so sweet lately, I can't complain... well, I always can complain if I really want to do it lol!


The Bulletproof Coffee

I got another great excuse to feed my caffeine addiction: the bulletproof coffee.

I was researching about Neuro-Linguistic Programming and biohacking when I read about that coffee. If you want to know what is that about, here you have:

It’s a high-performance drink that has a massive impact on your energy and cognitive function.
Starting your day with cereal, granola, oatmeal, toast, fruit, or another carb-heavy breakfast staple spikes your blood sugar. You’ll get a quick burst of energy, but by mid-morning your blood sugar will crash, and you’ll be hungry, tired, and unfocused.
Starting your day with Bulletproof Coffee, on the other hand, gives you three things:
Suppressed hunger. Brain Octane Oil balances ghrelin and CCK, your hunger hormones, keeping you full until lunch. You can read more about the science behind BP Coffee and hunger suppression here.
Steady lasting energy. The saturated fat in grass-fed butter slows the absorption of caffeine, which gives you even energy for several hours instead of a caffeine spike and crash. No jitters, either.
Mental clarity. Brain Octane rapidly converts to ketones, a type of molecule that your brain uses more efficiently than carbs or sugar. Pair ketones with the slowly releasing caffeine and you can literally feel your brain turning on.

More info here https://blog.bulletproof.com/how-to-make-your-coffee-bulletproof-and-your-morning-too/

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Hola

The last month has been exhausting and stressful. I got a new apartment to move in, a little cheaper than what I should pay to stay here. The new place is few blocks away from here so that's good. I think I'll be moving in 10 days. I didn't pack anything yet...

I am always tired and sleepy. Legs and arms tired and some sore. Why? I don't know. Probably because I am usually sleeping only 4 hours maybe 5 but hardly ever more than that. Sitting all day long at the computer is not helping at all.

On my work things sucks as usual. My coworker is still annoying with all his noises, comming to the office 30 minutes early to do nothing but curse and complain. The less he does the more money he earn, really I don't understand how the brain of my boss works if it even works. She is about to fire the other girl who works here. I lost all the interest in this job so I am doing only and exclusively the tasks they pay me to do. The last days I had to work dealing with a lot of bees inside my office, without water in the toilette every morning, bad internet connection, grumpy people and of course, the one who smells like dirty ass. 

I sold another website and I am earning some money with designs works so I'll be able to move to the other apartment without incurring debts. 

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HSP

Today I had another crisis... well lately I have crisis everyday. The crisis was not because Michael but I was trying to explain to him how I feel, so I wrote in English and googled it to see if those words makes sense or not. I always do it when I am not sure how to write something, there are a lot of Spanish phrases which mean nothing when you translate it to English. 

Googled translated it like "highly sensitive person" and also, to my surprise, I got a lot of articles about how to deal and live with this. It's not me trying to get something wrong to feel a victim and feel sorry of myself, but I need to find what is wrong with me to can work on it and fix this shit. So I read the characteristics of the HSP person and I have at least 90% of them. It's not a mental illness but a trait and there is no point to fight against it, they talk about to learn to deal with it. I'll try to get a diagnostic anyway, if I don't get the way to fix this shit I'll lose my mind. 

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The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Yesterday was a day of self-reflection where I  could learn some reasons of why I always get sentimental involved with some kind of men. It's interesting, I need to think more about this to get a way to stop it. 

Another thing I need to think about is what kind of person I want to get, and what I am able to do to get him (actually nothing, just waiting he find me). I will try to leave my comfort zone where I am stucked at right now, and this mean to knock down certain prejudices I have and to write new info in my mind. Anyways there is another question to ask myself first: how much it matter to me to get a partner right now? Is this a priority? My mind won't be happy with all this extra work I am putting on it...oh well

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Fuck me up, it's free

I am so tired to deal with all the shit I deal. Everyone fuck me up, everything is a problem. This shit never changes. The health insurance company said that the plan I contrat has extra charges, "copay". BULLSHIT! the email that the agent seller sent to me says very clear that the plan as NOT copay, then the paper that he left to me which it supposedly a copy of the paper that I signed say that not extra charges will be applied. Then I called to the company and told them that, the guy who answered my call said that the paper that I've signed says it's a copay plan.

So are you saying to me that you made me sign a paper whit different information that the paper that your people left to me???? that is a fucking fraud. He said there is nothing he can do and I have to talk to the person who sold me the insurance. And for sure they will care only about the paper which has my signature. And the worse is that I can not even change to other health company until April. I am tired of this, too many things to deal with alone, too much to hold, too much to take care of. If something else happens to me i'll kill myself

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It's a match!

Holly crap. I installed Tinder to see how it works. I'm not fan of those kind of apps, but if I only go from home to work it will be very very hard to know someone. 

So I upload a actual photo to my profile, set my real age, a short name, and started to see the photos that the app showed to me. I said myself "let's not do like or dislike, let's only to see what kind of people do I get there". So I started to swipe the photos "without push the cross or the heart" so I was being sneaky... I thought. Few minutes later while I already swiped more than 50 profiles, I started to get notifications "It's a match!" followed for private messages. How the hell are they messaging me if I didn't like them?????" 1, 2, 5, 7 people messaging me and I realized my mistake... depending on which side you swipe it, it works like "like" or "don't like"... and guess to which side I swiped all the photos? yes... to the right (like) side. 

Jesus Christ... I keep getting more and more messages (which I didn't even open) while I was trying to unmatch all those people, getting stressed as fuck and feeling a retard because not being able to use an intuitive app like that. This explains a lot about why I am still single, right?

I messaged my friend who got a gf few weeks ago using that app asking for help but at this point, still getting stressed with the It's a match! notifications I decided to delete the account. 10 minutes was all my experience with Tinder. 

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The bad and the good

Last week I worked from home, from Monday to Friday, because Martu was sick. She's fine now, taking medicine and going back to the school. On Satuday I went to work ready to hear my boss to complain about my situation. There was her daughter also and that made me more stressed. To make things worse the other girl who works in the company took the week off because he little son cries when she is working, so my boss were really pissed about women with children.
I went to her office to make her to sign some papers and told her that I had ready the sales report of the last two years that she asked me to do (because sales manager never did it). She didn't complain at me at all, probably because she realized that even from home I did work, my work and also part of the work that sales manager should do...

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Endless days

Yesterday I took Martu to the doctor. It's been 48 hours since she got sick so they could run tests. They did a hyssop of her throat and Rx of her chest. We had to wait 1 hour until the doctor get the report, then he saw us again and told me that the hyssop is negative (thanks God) which means that Martu didn't got that terrible bacterium which is killing people around. But she got pneumonitis, she has mucus in the lungs. The word "pneumonitis" scared me, my kids never had something like that before. 

Doctor prescribed medicine and we went to the pharmacy to buy it. I also asked if they sell that pill splitter that you guys were talking about in my last post and they had!!!! I got so happy about that, that I had to explain to the lady from the pharmacy why I was so excited with this splitter lol. 

We went back home, had dinner and then I used the splitter to split the melatonin pill. It works! I took half pill and 20 minutes later I was falling asleep, but this morning I don't feel so sleepy and tired. We will see how I feel through the day.

I'll work from home today to can take care of Martu. I bet my boss is not happy about this and this is so hard for me to make her understand that it doesn't matter if I am in the office or at home, I only need a computer to get my work done, but there is nothing else I can do. Probably she will do a big cut on my salary this month but whatever, I can't blame my kid for that, she didn't got sick on purpose.

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A stranger in the house

Great book. Very twisty plot, I love it.  When you think that's obviously what is going on, then the writer will surprise you with something more twisted and smart and keep the suspense until the end, even after you finish reading the book. I need more, but it seems that there is not a second part of this story.
Some people didn't like the book and said this is crap compared to other Shari Lapena books, I didn't read them but I like this so much. Maybe because it's was easy to read in a language that is not my main language and maybe because I find two of the characters very twisted and similar to someone I know. Enjoyable.

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Did I said stress? let's add a little more

There is a bacterium which killed 10 people in few days so we are in epidemiological alert. It's called estreptococo pyogenes and the symptom are: high fever, decay and sore throat. 

Last Sunday Martu came back home with sore throat and cough. It's normal to be like that in September because it's spring here, the allergy season. But yesterday at morning she had also fever and headache. I skipped work and took her to the doctor. The doctor who saw my kid yesterday was foreign, and she didn't look at me at all while she talked to me. She looked down at my hands but never at my face. Why? I don't know but I hate people who don't look at your eyes when they are talking to you, like if they hide something or they are unsure of what they say, so I took my kid to her pediatrist to have a second diagnosis. For me it seems only a flu but I needed to be sure. 

This morning we were getting ready to leave to the school when I realized that Martu had fever, and more than yesterday, 38C. So I had to skip work again but I called my boss, explained to her and I worked from home. Now I am checking on my kid every 1 hour, examining her throat and controlling the fever. Every time that mom messaged me to see how Martu is going, she makes me panic. She sent me screen of the news showing more deaths and sent me audios to tell me how doctors give to people bad diagnosis letting them die. Thanks mom it was what I needed.

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More stress

My bank is fucking me up badly. Last month while I was in Florida I checked my account and I saw that they didn't do the debit to pay my credit card. I sent an email then they fixed it. This month the same happened. It supposed that when my boss transfers my salary to my bank account, the bank has to debit the money to cancel my credit card bill. They didn't, and the bill was big because I used the credit card to pay a lot of things on vacations.

I waited some days to see if they was going to take the money but they didn't. I needed to use my credit card to pay the hosting server that I use for my business but they rejected my credit card. I sent an email to the bank early at morning, and they didn't answer so at night I did an online payment from my bank account to cancel the credit card bill. Those motherfucker after see my message, instead to check what was going on, they debited the money from my account (or tried) when I already paid the stupid bill, and because the money that I had left in the account was not enought they even left some negative balance. I went to the bank last week, TWICE, to show them that the bill was paid and to claim my money back. They gave me the money last Friday, and I told them my theory about why this happened. They said I was right, and made some changes in my credit card billing cycle for this not to happens again. All right. 

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I am so exhausted with all the drama that's going on that I couldn't even read friend journals last week. I am not even journaling on my bullet journal.... sad.

I could not be a Minion

When you want to eat some bananas but you feel sorry for their faces


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I'm feeling so high

I am not sure if this is the way that these pills work or my body is so sensible to everything that the pills hit me badly. No, I am not talking about any ilegal drug.
This is about melatonin, that stupid hormone that regulates sleep which my doctor prescribed me since I can't take any other pill (like alplazolan or clonazepam). So melatonin supossed to start working after 15 days that you are taking it but I could feel the effect from the first day.

20-25 minutes after taking the pill I start to feel very VERY dizzy, my legs get weak and I get tired to the point that I can't stand. I researched on internet for the side effects to see if the diziness is normal but there is nothing about it. The only side effect this pill has, is feeling tired during the day which I already can feel.

Anyway I am finally sleeping more then 5 hours but still waking up so much. This is harder than before to get up at morning, not sure if this is because the pill, or because at 6 am my heart rate is usually 46.

I wonder this pill will really fix my sleeping or just knock me down when I take it.


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